I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
