I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
