Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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