so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
