it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize