K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
