I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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