I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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