SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
