also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
