Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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