I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
