So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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