dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
