Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
