you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
