Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
