So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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