I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
