Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
