girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
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