shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
