just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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