I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
