my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
