It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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