he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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