Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
