i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
