My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
