my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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