"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
