"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
