I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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