So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
