i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize