We're like a lot better than the average bears
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
