I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
