Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
