Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
organizing the empties. That sober.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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