After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize