I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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