Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
