I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
