you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
