U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
