she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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