If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
