About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
