your room smells of hookers.
And success
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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