She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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