Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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