Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
