Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
