Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
So many bounce houses so little time
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
