I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
the condom got lost in my hair
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I need water and some morals
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
