Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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