i think i have herpe
just one?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
