This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize