I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
