the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
