Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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