Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
