I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
