ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I bet he comes in French.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He felt like a one man threesome
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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