okay pat passed out under dana's car
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
