he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
