so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
