Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
