Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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