A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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