when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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