Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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