Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize