Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
