can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
