woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
