Just fell off a train. Bad.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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