im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
