I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
