So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
