All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
