he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
