woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
