As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Rumble strips road head = magical
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
