I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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