i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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