i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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