Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
