i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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