Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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