she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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