I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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