U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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