I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
