the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
