btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
This gyro tastes like lonliness
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
my god I love twenty year old dicks
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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