we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
