if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Randomize
