Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I cut my penus on the lid.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize