I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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