it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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