My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
