My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
