He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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