I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
