I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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