Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize