How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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