im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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