It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
It's rum buckets o'clock
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
