i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We need a shit load of segways right now
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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